Articles

Dear Ursula

I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank you for the amazing results you have achieved for my serious disc bulge.

Recently I experienced an episode of back pain that had me admitted into St Vincent's Hospital presenting with very little feeling in the trunk and inner legs and no strength to support myself on my legs.

After being admitted and a barrage of tests it was decided that I had a severe disc bulge that was restricting nerve functions to the lower extremities causing pain and in particular weakness in the legs. The surgeons had made the decision given the lack of sensation and the general weakness in the legs radical surgery was required to replace the damaged disc.

I was very concerned about the recovery process and the fact that no guarantee could be given that no permanent spinal damage would occur during the surgical procedure. It was at this stage and upon advice from my partner (a medical professional) that I would hold off on surgery for a month to give myself a little time to try a number of alternatives that I had been advised had been very successful in the treatment of severe disc bulges.

I was referred to Ursula and her method of treatment which I found to be gentle yet effective so I didn't feel the pain of physio work or massaging. It was around the second week that whilst I still had some discomfort and numbness I was moving with greater ease and a lot less pain.

It was shortly after this that I returned to Private Training Sessions to perform strengthening of the muscles so as to support my injury. I strongly feel that this would not have been possible if I had not attended regular sessions with Ursula.

It has now been five weeks and I can confidently state that I feel no lower back pain at all and I can comfortably stretch touching my toes with no pain or loss of sensation. Whilst not all of the sensation has fully returned I strongly believe in time the nerves will recover now that my injury is slowly gaining strength through exercise, diet and maintaining flexibility.

In summation I would like to recommend to others that maybe suffering from similar symptoms to try Ursula's treatments as they do actually work on calming the body down from state of heightened pain to a dull ache. It is with this thought in mind most of us chronic pain sufferers can regain our mobility which allows us to return to our daily lives with a lot more confidence and a lot less pain.

Whilst I cannot state that it can cure all forms of injury I can assure you that it will for 90 minutes put your body at peace which in itself will help strengthen your mind as we all know pain weakens all of us over time and prescription medications only masks the problem further and in some cases can give you a false sense of mobility which can in itself be dangerous.

If like me you found that your options were minimal and you felt as though surgery was your only option I put it to you that you have nothing to lose by at least trying this treatment, I think we all owe it to ourselves to exhaust all options before invasive surgeries and other excessive treatments. I would like to say at this stage that I did keep in constant contact with my medical practitioner to measure my progress as far as in movement, pain management and sensitivity, all of which improved markedly.

Thank You Ursula

Colin Warnock

You've got this injury you just can't shake.You take time off. You ice and stretch and do all the right things but you're still limping home. You spend too much time trying to articulate your particular brand of hurt to those loved ones who still put up with you. You follow referrals to physical therapists and massage therapists and you'd go to an aromatherapist if it'd help you run again, but nothing does. You diagnose yourself on WebMD: You're a structurally flawed human being for whom recovery is impossible.

DON'T GIVE UP YET

The answer may be right under your fingertips. About 2mm under your fingertips, to be precise. Under your skin, encasing your body and webbing its way through your insides like spider webs, is fascia. Fascia is made up primarily of densely packed collagen fibers that create a full body system of sheets, chords and bags that wrap, divide and permeate every one of your muscles, bones, nerves, blood vessels and organs. Every bit of you is encased in it. You're protected by fascia, connected by fascia and kept in taut human shape by fascia. Why didn't anyone mention fascia earlier? Because not many people know that much about it. Fascia's messy stuff. It's hard to study. It's so expansive and intertwined it resists the medical standard of being cut up and named for textbook illustrations. Besides that, its function is tricky, more subtle than that of the other systems. For the majority of medical history it's been assumed that bones were our frame, muscles the motor, and fascia just packaging. In fact, the convention in med-school dissections has been to remove as much of the fascia as possible in order to see what was underneath, the important stuff. That framed Illustration hanging in your doctor's office of the red-muscled, wide-eyed human body is a body with its fascia cut away; it's not what you look like inside, but it's a lot neater and easier to study and it's the way doctors have long been taught to look at you. Until recently, that is. In 2007 the first international Fascia Research Congress, held at Harvard Medical School, brought about a new demand for attention to the fascial system. Since then fascia has been repeatedly referred to as the "Cinderella Story" of the anatomy world, speaking both to its intrigue and the geekiness of those who study it. While you may not share the medical and bodywork communities' excitement over mechanotransduction and the contractile properties of myofibroblasts, think of it this way: Fascia is a major player in every movement you make and every injury you've ever had, but until five years ago nobody paid it any attention. And now they're making up for lost time.

FASCIA FUNDAMENTALS

What exactly does it do? It wraps around each of your individual internal parts, keeping them separate and allowing them to slide easily with your movements. It's strong, slippery and wet. It creates a sheath around each muscle; because it's stiffer, it resists over-stretching and acts like an anatomical emergency break. It connects your organs to your ribs to your muscles and all your bones to each other. It structures your insides in a feat of engineering, balancing stressors and counter-stressors to create a mobile, flexible and resilient body unit. It generally keeps you from being a big, bone-filled blob. "Fascia is the missing element in the movement/stability equation," says Tom Myers, author of the acclaimed book Anatomy Trains. Myers was among the first medical professionals to challenge the field's ignorance of fascia in the human body. He has long argued for a more holistic treatment, with a focus on the fascia as an unappreciated overseer. "While every anatomy lists around 600 separate muscles, it is more accurate to say that there is one muscle poured into six hundred pockets of the fascial webbing. The 'illusion' of separate muscles is created by the anatomist's scalpel, dividing tissues along the planes of fascia. This reductive process should not blind us to the reality of the unifying whole."

BUT, THAT'S THE OLD NEWS

What rocked the medical community's world was this: Fascia isn't just plastic wrap. Fascia can contract and feel and impact the way you move. It's our richest sense organ, it possess the ability to contract independently of the muscles it surrounds and it responds to stress without your conscious command. That's a big deal. It means that fascia is impacting your movements, for better or worse. It means that this stuff massage therapists and physical therapists and orthopedists have right at their fingertips is the missing variable, the one they've been looking for.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?

Grab hold of the collar of your shirt and give it a little tug. Your whole shirt responds, right? Your collar pulls into the back of your neck. The tail of your shirt inches up the small of your back. Your sleeves move up your forearms. Then it falls back into place. That's a bit like fascia. It fits like a giant, body-hugging T-shirt over your whole body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes and crisscrossing back and forth and through and back again. You can't move just one piece of it, and you can't make a move without bringing it along. Now, pull the collar of your shirt again, only this time, hold onto it for eight hours. That's about the time you spend leaning forward over a desk or computer or steering wheel, right? Now, pull it 2,500 times. That's about how many steps you'd take on a half-hour run. Your shirt probably isn't looking too good at this point. Fortunately, your fascia is tougher than your shirt is, and it has infinitely more self-healing properties. In its healthy state it's smooth and supple and slides easily, allowing you to move and stretch to your full length in any direction, always returning back to its normal state. Unfortunately, it's very unlikely that your fascia maintains its optimal flexibility, shape or texture. Lack of activity will cement the once-supple fibers into place. Chronic stress causes the fibers to thicken in an attempt to protect the underlying muscle. Poor posture and lack of flexibility and repetitive movements pull the fascia into ingrained patterns. Adhesions form within the stuck and damaged fibers like snags in a sweater, and once they've formed they're hard to get rid of. And, remember, it's everywhere. This webbing is so continuous that If your doctor's office were to add a poster of your true human anatomy, including its fascia, fascia is all you'd see. Thick and white in places like your IT band and plantar fascia, less than 1mm and nearly transparent on your eyelids. And within all that fascia you have adhesions and areas of rigidity. You likely have lots of them. But, this isn't bad news. Every bit of the damage you've caused your fascia is reversible, and every one of the problems it's caused you were avoidable. You take care of your muscles with stretching and foam rolling and mas- sage. You take care of your bones with diet and restraint. You never knew that you needed to take care of your fascia, but now you do. You may just shake that nagging injury after all.

HOW TO CARE FOR YOUR FASCIA MOVE IT OR LOSE IT:

Sticky adhesions form between fascial surfaces that aren't regularly moved, and over time these adhesions get strong enough to inhibit range of motion. Take a few minutes first thing in the morning to roll around in bed and really stretch out, head to toe, just like a cat after a nap.

STAY LUBRICATED: Just like every other tissue in your body, your fascia is made of water. It works better, moves better and feels better when it's wet. So, drink! STRETCH YOUR MUSCLES: When your muscles are chronically tight the surrounding fascia tightens along with them. Over time the fascia becomes rigid, compressing the muscles and the nerves.

STRETCH YOUR FASCIA: Once your fascia has tightened up, it doesn't want to let go. Because the fascia can withstand up to 2,000 pounds of pressure per square inch, you're not going to force your way through, so stretch gently. Fascia also works in slower cycles than muscles do, both contracting and stretching more slowly. To stretch the fascia, hold gentle stretches for three to five minutes, relaxing into a hold.

RELAX! If you spend all day tense and tight at a desk, ice baths may not be the best thing for you. Fifteen to 20 minutes in a warm Epsom salt bath can coax tight fascia to loosen up, releasing your muscles from their stranglehold. Make sure to follow it up with 10 minutes of light activity to keep blood from pooling in your muscles.

USE A FOAM ROLLER: Like stretching, using a foam roller on your fascia is different than on your muscles. Be gentle and slow in your movements, and when you find an area of tension hold sustained pressure for three to five minutes. You may practice self-massage with the same rules.

RESPECT YOUR BODY: If you're attempting to run through an injury, or returning from one with a limp, beware: Your fascia will respond to your new mechanics and, eventually, even after your injury is gone, you may maintain that same movement pattern. That's a recipe for an injury cycle. It's better to take some extra time than to set yourself up for long-term trouble.

SEE A FASCIAL SPECIALIST: If you have a nagging injury, or just don't feel right lately, see if your area has a fascial or myofascial therapy specialist. There are different philosophies and methods, ranging from Rolf- ing, which is very aggressive, to fascial unwinding, which is very gentle. Some methods are similar to massage, while others concentrate on long assisted stretches. Talk to the therapist to see what you need and want. Some osteopaths, chiropractors, physical therapists and massage therapists are beginning to embrace fascial therapies, so ask around.

SEE A MOVEMENT EDUCATION THERAPIST: The Alexander Technique and the Feldenkrais Method are the two best known of this sort of therapy, long embraced by dancers and gymnasts. They use verbal cues, light touch and simple exercises to lessen unconscious destructive movement patterns that may be irritating your fascia.

 

A personal journey

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it occurs to me that so-called “mid-life crises” seem to be happening a lot earlier than mid-life these days. People are taking stock of their lives and really questioning what gives them meaning and what they value, much earlier in life. Sometimes it’s just a slow building disquiet, that something’s not quite right. And sometimes there are these events, big and small (sometimes cataclysmic) which just stop people in their tracks. Just one event and then everything suddenly seems different. Somebody changes the compass points and we can’t seem to find our way anymore.

I would like to explore with you the amazing journey that some of us go on after these times of change. It is, for the most part, a journey within. A journey which can take us right through the heart of struggle, grief and despair, sometimes leaving us lost and broken, yet which somehow leads us back to ourselves in a more authentic way than we’ve ever known before. Interestingly, it also seems to be a journey that we can only make by going through that door.. that process of complete dis-assemblage. Of almost taking ourselves completely apart, so that we can be put together anew. Perhaps it is only in that place that we can really find ourselves.

So many of us have a story to tell. We’ve been hurt, had our hearts broken, lost our purpose, or survived something that could have killed us (even if it just felt that way).. We’ve had times when we’ve felt too terrified to go on, maybe utterly lost.. And yet, here we still are.

Lately I have heard a lot of inspiring stories and these individuals, and their strength, compassion and grace through their darkest times have inspired me to share my story as well. Through our shared experiences, it seems we can connect on the most intimate level and when we allow our vulnerability to be seen, that is when we share the most precious gift of all. Hope.

When we stand shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart, that is when anything is possible.

My heroes are those that walk among us, quietly. Inspiring, wonderful, broken, imperfect people. Ones who live ordinary lives in extraordinary ways. People whose personal journeys show that there is a way forward and a gift to be found, even from the depths of heartbreak and despair. People who have taught me so very much. That it’s OK to survive. (Gotta love that "survivor guilt") It’s OK to be OK (and even not to be OK sometimes). That the Universe doesn’t make mistakes.. If we’ve been given something to deal with, then we can handle it! That we have more than enough in our own hearts, and that there is support out there to help us find it. That the only permission we really need to be OK is our own. That we are each already enough. All we need to do is clear away the debris and grime that’s built up, obscuring the vibrant jewel of our potential (which is already there whether we use it or not). All we really need to do is reach out that hand and take that first step and trust that we will be supported in doing so.

So I would like to share my story. And perhaps it will inspire you to share yours, because you never know the impact that you may have on a fellow human being. Giving your true self to the world is actually the greatest gift you could imagine. Locking our true selves away is like never using the good china or hiding the Van Gogh in the basement. (Imagine never witnessing each imperfect brushstroke that congregated to create the majesty of “Starry, Starry Night”. The world would indeed be a poorer place in my opinion.)

So, anyway, I have a concept that I would like to share. It’s about a little bag of stones. We’ve all heard the expression to drop one’s bundle. Well, for my personal event, my most defining moment, my great tragedy, that was exactly the image or the feeling which most struck me. It seemed that I had gone through my life clutching my little bundle of stones, my life as I believed it to be, and I had dropped it all over the floor. And in that moment I had no idea of how to pick it all up again.

Let me clarify. We all have a bag of stones that we carry around. This is a metaphor for our beliefs. The stones represent the different things we believe.. about our life, about ourselves, about those around us. How we believe the world to be and how we judge things. Maybe we could even see it like a woman’s handbag if that works better for you. It’s got all of our stuff in there and it’s our reference point, how we relate to the world. Now, we don’t really think all that much about it usually. We just sling it over our shoulder and off we go. Occasionally we’ll rummage around in there and realise that there’s some things in there we really shouldn’t be carrying around anymore. Old receipts, phone numbers we can’t even identify, expired packets of mints, dried out lip gloss.. You get the idea. Things that no longer fit with where we are in our life or that don’t match our image of ourselves anymore. Beliefs that aren’t useful anymore. The amazing thing is how often we will choose to keep carrying them around. Maybe they’ll come in handy some time?

Sometimes we add in some new stuff. We get some new ideas, some better understanding, a different point of view. The balance of stuff in that bag is always changing. You’d be amazed. Mostly, we don’t think too much about it, but we rarely question that what is in there is ours! We just pick it up and carry it around. Other people slip their own stuff in there sometimes and we don’t even notice it. I guess if you’re lucky, you don’t get much cause to question it.

But when those “things” happen.. Those huge, life changing events which stop us in our tracks.. That’s when the contents tend to be upended on the floor. That’s when we start to take stock. That’s when we start to take a really good look at those beliefs. And sometimes it can be really hard to recognise ourselves within that stuff at all. Some things can threaten our understanding of the world. Some things can change everything in the blink of an eye.

Now my event came in my early thirties. There had been previous incidents in my life, of course. Some things that caused gouges and scars, things that were damaging and painful, but I just kind of kept shoving everything back down into my bag. I think I probably even hid some things under the lining, you know. I didn’t really want to look too closely at that stuff. So my major event was when my wonderful husband was killed in an accident. Now, he was my sun and my moon and everything I was and planned to be was all wrapped up in him. When he died, not only did I lose my best friend and husband, a wonderful soul, my financial support, my security, our future, our children, etc. I also lost a part of my identity and the support of many important relationships. Sadly, this is more common than you might imagine. People become invested in their idea of who the person that died really was, and this is not always congruent for everybody. There can be pressure felt to try to honour those ideals and perceptions, to not cause further hurt. In addition, not everybody grieves or responds in the same way to the death and this can also cause friction and deep rifts. People may not agree with the decisions, or understand the motivation of others. A whole lot of misunderstanding, hurt and conflicting loyalties can be experienced. You can find yourself alone in a room full of people you once called family. Everything is heightened, every decision seems vitally important. People can break. These things happen.

So suddenly, for me, all of the seams in my bag disintegrated, just like that. All of my stuff fell on the floor and some of it rolled away. And my bag was in pieces. I didn’t really know how I was going to get all of that together any more. I really didn’t. But, you know, I thought that I had those stones that I could count on to support me, that I knew the parameters of my life and those in it. And I figured that somehow I would find a way and I would get my bag back together... And then someone came and ran over everything with a lawnmower.... At least that’s how it seemed to me at the time. There wasn’t a whole lot left that I recognised and I didn’t really feel very safe.

Now the gift in that was that I didn’t get to just pick stuff up that didn’t work for me anymore and stuff it back into my bag. (Because I would have done that. It was probably what I thought I should do. In fact, it’s what I started trying to do.) And that would really have been a shame. Because I never would have found out so much about who I really am. With no bag left, with all points of reference and support gone, I was forced to begin a very different journey. So when I talk about finding your way back to yourself, I have some experience with that.

Now these HUGE incidents, and they can come in many shapes and flavours, what they cause us to do is really examine all of those things that are now strewn out on the floor in front of us. Re-evaluating your beliefs is really painful, it’s not something I recommend just for the hell of it, but the benefit in doing it is that you get to become more authentic. You get to be stronger and wiser and more discerning. You get to never be the same. And that is actually a wonderful thing.

One of my favourite stories to illustrate this point is one where two kids find two butterfly cocoons. One butterfly begins to emerge from the chrysalis and the kids watch as it struggles. It fights its way, painfully and slowly out of its silk bindings and sits there pitifully weak and exhausted, trying to recover from this mammoth undertaking. The kids were so touched by witnessing this struggle and they had kind hearts. They wanted to spare the other butterfly all of the same heartache. So they raced home and grabbed Mum’s nail scissors and they returned and very carefully cut the new butterfly from its cocoon and set it on the branch, hoping to ease its transition into its new life. However, it turns out that the struggle had a purpose.

All of that fighting to squeeze out of the tight bindings, forced fluid through the wing structures and released the chemicals that triggered the final physiological changes that the butterfly had to go through in order to be a fully functional butterfly. What the children missed was that first butterfly’s recovery from its exertions and the wings slowly drying and stiffening into shape and the triumph of its launch into open air on its own terms.

[Kind of reminds me of childbirth too. We think we’re not going to survive that and then we have this beautiful baby on our chest.. Suddenly the struggle seems unimportant next to what we have gained.]

Sadly, the second butterfly was deformed. It was denied the opportunity to grow in the way that it needed to in order to fly. It was spared some heartache, but then it never got to experience the true joy of what it might have been.

[This can ring true for our kids too. It can be so painful to watch them struggle, and we have a natural desire to save them, to ease their way, but if we don’t stand back and allow them to find their own way sometimes, we can really rob them of their potential. OK, sorry for the digression, but these things inter-relate for me.]

So the pain has a purpose. It’s the conduit through which we can find ourselves (if we choose to!) Anyone who’s been through a huge, life altering tragedy or experience and come out the other side will acknowledge the truth of that message. I doubt any will deny that the experience was painful and that they probably weren’t sure if they’d survive, and they probably would not have chosen to go through it, but I alson doubt many of them would want to erase the experience and go back to being the person they were before.

It’s the hero’s journey. The price is high. But we are always compensated for our actions. Whether it is something noble, brave, foolish or selfish, it is our actions which determine what comes back to us. I find that pretty sobering.

We have probably all heard the saying that tragedy can bring out the best and worst in people. And this is true. But you know what I’ve also learned? The side of the fence on which our judgement sits on this matter is determined by our individual points of view. The unique lenses and filters, through which we each view the world. These are created by our experiences throughout this life. It is only our judgements which decree “better” or “worse” in people’s behaviour. The reality is probably a lot closer to just the best that a damaged person can do in the moment. Other people’s judgements don’t really do much to heal that damage. Perhaps in an ideal world, they would be best left out of these scenarios.

Just as the coloured filters used on stage lights make the lights appear to be different colours, we have our own filters and lenses which alter how we each see and interpret the world around us. The truth is that the bulb is still just emitting white light. Sometimes time and distance can help us to view things differently, and sometimes not. But it is certainly worth considering. What if compassion were the best way forward? And not just for those other people, but for ourselves? What if just sitting right where you were and accepting everything that you were feeling was OK?

If you are here reading this article, then you are probably ready to move forward and let go of some of your past pain. And I really don’t advocate rushing this process. When life sits us on our arse, we’re probably there for a reason and maybe we should just sit there for a little bit. Now, not all of the life changing moments are hugely traumatic, but the ones that are, which involve tragedy and grief and wounding – need to be respected. We need to take time to heal from those things. The services of a well qualified counsellor or psychologist are probably well advised to help you through this journey. It’s really tough to do it alone. And every one of us deserves to be supported.

You wouldn’t go charging off on a marathon straight after open heart surgery. You need time to heal first. It’s the same for those injuries to your heart that occur on the other levels too (emotional, mental, spiritual). You have to heal first, before you can move on.

As a society, we aren’t really taught how to deal with our really deep woundings. There seems to be a lot of pressure to just get over it and get on with it. But if we don’t honour what we are going through, we can do ourselves a lot more damage. We don’t really know how to support each other either. Many relationships fall away after a tragedy, simply because people don’t know what to say or do for each other. And that is its own tragedy. What would the world be like if we were better prepared to honour and support each other during crises? I, for one, would like to find out. But we’re not, generally speaking. And no individual, no matter how well meaning, can ever really know someone else’s inner reality. This is why it is so important to seek professional assistance at these times. Someone who is trained to be 100% on your side, but also impartial and not invested in where you go and how long it takes you to get there. Someone who is interested in helping YOU find YOUR way there.

Again, I speak from my own experience here. I personally became a little bulldozer. I was “fine”. It was important to me to be OK, to just get on with things. I thought it was my job to look after everyone else and support them. I thought it was my job to make true my husband’s little fantasy of what he’d shared he wanted to have happen after he died. For there to be no grave stone, no grieving and crying, but for us all to get on with life and just be happy that we’d known him. To celebrate his life, not mourn it. But you know, other people have their own ideas about what’s right to do. And in time I began to realise that so they should.

Life came at me and I just hit it straight on. An opportunity was coming my way? Well, then I would take it, ready or not. My mission statement was all about being strong. But I didn’t allow myself to really feel any of it. That was terrifying to me. I thought it would break me, so I ran from it. I shoved it all down, you know, into the lining of my bag! And what happened there? Post Traumatic Stress and constant panic attacks. Lots of fun stuff. I eventually began to find my way through, but it took me a long time. I really recommend putting some attention to this stuff. It can be hard and scary, but it can mean coming out of this journey whole instead of crippled. And I’ve found that the things we run from are never quite as scary as we imagine they’ll be. Our “stuff’ simply cannot be bigger than we are. What happens to us does not define us. What we do with that experience does!

When we do find our way out of the darkness, we can find ourselves suddenly ready to make a new start. We feel so different, we’ve been through so much and we want to do something meaningful with it. We’ve accrued all of this experience and we want it to count for something. We want to make a difference. This is where we again might want to seek out a partner to walk alongside us as we figure it out. Someone without an agenda, who’s just there to ask us the right questions, to help us figure out how to get to the next place and then the next place. How to get what we want. Most of us don’t even know what we want. We’ve never asked ourselves. It makes it kind of hard to get what you want, if you aren’t really clear on what that is. So, you know, ask yourself. You don’t have to tell me. But seriously, ask yourself now, because now is a good time. You’re not doing anything else, right?. You’re just sitting here reading this rambling monologue. What do you really want? What is important to you? What would that feel like to get it? How would you even know that you had it? Why do you want it? What difference would it make in your life?

I was very fortunate to have found myself a mentor. For me, I was interested in working with grief, with healing, with making some sort of a difference. To make my experiences mean something. One thing that my husband’s death gave me was a sense of faith that I’d been lacking before. That I’d been searching for for many years. I guess it was my first gift for what I’d gone through. I just felt so protected and supported and so grateful. I knew that no matter how terrible the circumstances seemed, they could have been much worse and things had actually been orchestrated to leave me in the best position possible. I just suddenly knew that everything was going to be OK. That death was nothing to be afraid of. That he was OK. Just in a different form. That he’d always be with me, just in a completely different kind of relationship (obviously). So for me, life took a more spiritual path. But I was still stuck in that pattern of wanting to “fix” everyone and I was just giving away everything that I had. All of my power. Once I began working again, I was also letting my clients just take from me and deplete my energy. Which wasn’t working out so well for me. So that’s how I found my mentor at the Insight Foundation. She was a body worker like I was and she’d mentioned the idea of energetic protection. I’d never heard of this before, but I knew that it was probably a good idea. So I got a bit more information about it and discovered that she was part of a spiritual mentoring program and so I began working with her just through that one simple thing. This new idea of protecting my energy field. (Wish I’d know about that earlier!!)

The really great thing about working with my mentor was that she didn’t tell me what I should do (and I was hoping she would, so I was a bit annoyed by this at first!). She asked me what I needed and she listened to me. Better than that, she helped me to find it out for myself. She empowered me. She helped me to actually feel all of those things I’d been pushing down for all those years, and while it was hugely confronting at times and took enormous courage to face in some moments, she was right there with me the whole time. She held space for me. She allowed me to feel whatever I was feeling, to go through and examine whatever I needed to. She never judged or gave an opinion. She always let me find my own way. Well, she made me actually! She was a bit mean, I thought sometimes. She gave me the tools to process and transmute all of those feelings, to see and take apart all of the survival mechanisms and patterns I’d put in place and transform them into something much more useful. She helped me (eventually) to stop looking backward and to start looking forward. And all of those things had their use and their purpose. I absolutely needed them at the time to survive. But once the time for their usefulness was over, they all kind of got in the way of me really living in the way that I wanted (Panic attacks each time the phone rang, for example, and being too afraid to go to certain places). It was so freeing to be able to feel grateful for all that I’d been through, to acknowledge where I’d been and to just let it go. Not to say that I’ve got it all worked out now, there are still things to unravel and there will always be better ways. But I now have some success and stability to build on and, much better tools for navigating the way forward.

I did let go of a whole heap of weight that I’d been carrying around (energetically). Stuck energy. And what do you know? Once I’d got rid of all of that excess energy, there was room for a whole lot of new, great stuff and opportunities to come in. Have you ever tried to pour wine into a glass that’s already full of debris? It doesn’t work so well. Now I go out to the Universe with an empty cup. One of the best things that came through this whole process, was that I got to know somebody who turned out to be really important. I got to know myself!

You’ve probably heard the term “the jewel of your potential”. Well, I’ve got news for you. We are each incredibly beautiful jewels with enormous potential. This is true whether we acknowledge it or not, whether we believe it or not, whether we use our potential or not. It’s what we already are. We’ve just gotten a bit covered in muck. If you take a 100 watt light bulb and cover it in mud, if you plug it in to a socket, it is still a 100 watt bulb. It will still emit the same light. It’s just that you won’t be able to see it, because of all the muck that’s obscuring it. But if we begin to clean off some of the muck - other people’s projections and the things we’ve taken on, learned to believe about ourselves.. then we can start to see our light. A unique light, that is different in quality to everyone else’s, because there’s an individual quality that only you possess. There’s no-one else exactly like you. Never before, never will be again. When you access that, when you get to really see it for yourself, then you have an amazing gift to share with the world. And I believe the world really needs some of your light right now!

What potential might you have, because of what you’ve been through and discovered about yourself? What unique perspective do you have to offer the world? You now understand a heap of things you’d never have been able to understand if you hadn’t gone through it yourself. There’s bound to be someone out there that needs that understanding. There’s a whole pile of circumstances you used to judge that you never will again. Your whole life’s come apart at the seams.. Great! You get to clean out all of the parts that don’t work and put it all back together.. consciously this time. With a clear plan and purpose. Michelangelo said that David was within that block of stone all along. All he had to do was remove the parts that were not David. Maybe all you need to do is remove the parts that are not really you? So, your bag of stones is lying on the floor.. What are you going to do with it?

So I am being guided to write more and what better platform than this website. So stay tuned as I share my thoughts and feelings with you all.